Le Dose Minima Mortelle

I think I might be sinking.

My brain is absolutely melting. Pouring about me ears like a putrid excretion from a rotting fruit. This is my way of saying, "I have a head cold, and it's given me a migraine. And I also stupidly had two shots of rum with M after I got off work".



I found myself intermittently fretting over my state-of-being today.

Or the fact that someday --probably sooner than I'd like-- I will not "be".

My existence is a small one, and it will end. It's inevitable that we all go on at one point or another. There isn't anything special about my circumstances. I am not alone. There's a billion people struggling every single day.

When I worry, my heart gently reminds me that "All Things Must Pass". It's a comfort to realise that being afraid wont last. It's just a state of mind. And that too, shall pass. Everything will. My fear, my sadness, my laughter, my heart. Even my life will someday escape to the sky.

Sometimes, I'm just afraid for the path that leads to leaving.

I'm afraid to be told, "You are not trying hard enough" by someone who doesn't understand what I'm going through. I am trying, but sometimes, it's just a guess. Just a crossing of fingers, and a "please, please, please" directed towards the ceiling.

Nobody knows of the crushing disappointment and sickening sadness when I realise I am killing myself, and yet, am unable to pin-point the cause of my dying.



I think I need to become all the things I want to be.

No use being afraid. I'd like to try harder.

Cause I like being happy, and I like being Me!

I only get one life, I ought to live it being somebody I want to be.

My sadness passed, and so did my fear. I feel better.



My leg hurts. And so does my head. I'm sick and I ought to go to sleep.

But I do feel much more cheery. Sometimes, one just has to expel all the brackish emotion.

I must admit, though, my mood has been lightened even more-so by staring at the undeniably lovely Mr. James Patrick Page. Wow. I am smiling really widely. And almost going to laugh because of how weird I am. Oh Christ, am I strange!