siúil go sochair agus siúil go ciúin

Why am I posting here again?

hahahah

I know, because it's weird posting media on lj.




This summer, I might be able to stay with cousin Bridgette... in her home... in Belfast... Ireland.

It will be like homecoming for me! Land of my Forefathers, Earth from which my blood sprang!

I want so badly to study abroad in Ireland at Trinity College (hell, I would be satisfied with Queen's College), but at the same time, I don't want to leave my family and warm home here.



Living in Ireland would be a step towards living "Nelly's perfectly strange, totally impossible, fairy-tale life". It would a provincial existence, but I imagine it would also (MAGICALLY!!!!) be unpolluted by greed, and haughtiness and all the things that make me hate the united states. hahha I know, I'm draping my dreams on a place that would not likely measure up to fantasy.


But looking at the O'Dea castle, I think, how can someone NOT spin fairy tales? It's so strange and amazing to think that more than 600 years ago, my ancestor built this castle. hahah I don't want to into the "time is forever, existence is short" discussion. So I will move onto my Peter Pan-syndrome, instead :D!



Once in Ireland, I wonder how I could come back? How could I not forget everything I have here, and end up leaving behind a whithered, cast-off skin? I imagine that on a whim, I'd decide to buy a EuroRail ticket and travel around Europe alone-- throwaway all my material goods, meet new people, see new places, and live on the edge of existence. I've certainly thought about it, and I feel like I might just decide to leave everything behind, and start a new life.
It would be daring! spontaneous! exciting! adventurous!; all the things which I am not, but would like to be.

It would be tough to leave my family, though. To study abroad would mean I would finally be cutting the umbilical cord (hahhaah), and my family is everything to me.


I can see this is quickly turning into a "blahblah growing up sucks" whine. So I will quit.

hahahaha It's impossible to stop the flow of time, but IT'S TIME TO GROW UP, 子供たち.

I will say, though, that regardless of my age, I hope I never become the kind of person who is calculating, cold and interested only in "matters of significance". Let my heart remain forever young and pure and strong and kind.
hahaha that sounds like some kind of Christian pledge. bleh, it's not.


Because I Can:








hahah the first is from sherlock holmes, but it's a catchy song lol


fdsksfk i'm done, i promise. :)